I barely wrote anything that even remotely qualified as a joke once again this month. And let’s be real here, nobody is going to read this shit anyways.
4/2
My greatest fear in life might be ingrown toenails.
4/3
At this point I think my kids just load the dishwasher wrong out of spite.
4/14
Vice City for life.
4/24
I am easily one of the highest ranked Dr. Mario players in this family.
Maybe next month I’ll suck less. Not fucking likely, but we can always hope.
-Ryan
Well, March was certainly a month that was had. By my official count I produced 2 jokes this month. Both on the same day. That second one, though, that thing has layers to it. It’s simultaneously a bit of dark humor as well as a condemnation of the economic and political systems we are living in. Take that, The Man! (as in like “the man keeping us down,” not Becky Lynch). Okay I think I have already put more into this intro paragraph than I did any writing this past month. So in fairness to myself let’s look at this embarrassingly meager serving of jokes.
3/27
Look, I am not a weatherman. I took a single semester meteorology class back in like 2010. But Spectrum's service update seems sus.
3/27
My wife and I use this app to play couples games and share cute messages like this.
I’m gonna go play some Pokemon.
-Ryan
I don’t really have a lot to say about this month. Every day is more absurd and I’m just writing my little jokey-jokes.
2/6
I didn't really read any news ahead of time about who or what was going on with the opening ceremony of the Olympics, so I don't know if Mariah Carey was a surprise to everyone or just to me. But of all the things I was not expecting, I think I was not expecting Mariah Carey the most.
2/6
Honestly, I think I am mostly just angry that Mariah Carey was there and they didn't even have her sing "Fantasy".
2/6
As long as I live, I don't think I will ever not be excited about Jamaican bobsled teams.
2/8
2/13
You know how when you tie down something in a trailer or truck it's standard practice to grab the strap, give it a little shake, and say "that's not going anywhere"? Do people do the same thing for bondage?
2/14
Getting some mixed signals from this place.
2/21
You're never "too good" to eat cold spaghetti at midnight like a gremlin. Stay humble.
2/26
I fucking love vlookups. I would name a dog Vlookup just so I could tell it I love it. And then I'll get a 2nd dog and name it Pivot Table.
2/28
Crossed up some wires in my brain today when Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" was playing and I was trying to apply the lyrics to Dave Coulier.
I’m gonna go dissociate for a while. Later!
-Ryan
