I don’t want to fuck around with writing a silly intro for this and I’m not going to. Work has been so fucking stressful. I want to just zone out with a game or something. And I have some work I could do tonight to make tomorrow morning easier on myself. But my daughter wants to watch a movie with me and that’s what I’m gonna do because even if the rest of my day is absolute dogshit, my wife and kids fucking lift my heart so god damn much and they sure as fuck aren’t gonna look back at life 30 years from now remembering how much I wasn’t there because I was “too busy.”
7/5
It's probably really difficult to be a game show host when one of the contestants is just absolutely shitting it up and you have to continually find nice ways to say that they have no chance because they're a big dumb dummy.
7/6
I could've eaten the last parmesan bread bite and nobody in the house would've known. But I saved it for my wife to eat for lunch. And she then shared it with me. This is what true love looks like.
7/11
A short story about the hubris of man.
7/11
My wife and I have a night without the kids. We had Subway for dinner, then got ice cream, and now we're watching Escape From New York. Marriage is fucking cool.
7/12
My wife: "I feel like a relationship looks like a graph of the S&P 500. Where there are the spikes up and down for good and bad days but the overall trend is upward as the love grows."
Me: "I feel like this conversation is one of those downward spikes."
7/14
Me and my wife trying to list the 7 deadly sins:
Envy
Gluttony
Sloth
Lust
Larceny
Jaywalking
Loud Chewing
7/14
Wife: "My feet hurt."
Son: "My feet don't hurt. Maybe you have a skill issue."
My son is already funnier than I am. I'm so proud of him.
7/26
In an impulse purchase I bought myself an entire rotisserie chicken to eat and I'm not quite sure if this is a red flag about my current state of mental health or if I'm finally living the life I'd always dreamed of.
7/31
I just had this wonderfully serendipitous moment where my watch congratulated me on hitting my step goal as I was mindlessly wandering the house while stress-eating pizza.
-Ryan