November 2025 Joke Round-Up

  Holy fuckarooski, we are just barreling recklessly towards the end of the year now.  Time is becoming an illusion. Days of the week are losing all meaning. We are living in a perpetual haze of gravy, twinkling lights, and the smooth sounds of Michael Buble crooning out holiday hits seemingly everywhere you go as though it’s just the background music for your internal monologue now. And now we take a peek into the inner workings of my brain, as I wrote that little intro there, then decided I liked it so much as its own little thought that I posted it as a joke on the page, thus making me also include it in my summary of jokes for the month. So there might be a fun little moment of deja vu when you get to the end of this post. That’s extra funny because nobody reads these, not even me! I’m going to have it put in my will that the entire contents of this sight be read aloud before divvying up my estate; which is probably gonna be like a grand total of $14 and a box full of various random cables that I saved my entire life just in case.  These jokes, tho.

11/3

My wife: *watching baby hippo videos*

Me: "Do you want to see my favorite hippo video?"

My wife: "Yea...no, because it's gonna be the pooping video."

Me: "It absolutely was gonna be the pooping video."

#Soulmates

11/4

This morning I woke up with the knowledge that I absolutely had to combine a picture of Ash turning his hat backwards with this spoof of an iconic quote from the movie "They Live".  Sometimes my brain just be doing things.

Edit: out of sheer happenstance, I have just learned that the movie "They Live" was released to theaters exactly 37 years ago today.

11/5

This felt like a really important conversation about hats with my friends.

11/6

I typed this out to myself at 1am. My brain was doing some dumb shit.

11/10

Today's high temp is 38 with a wind chill of 15 and I need to know who the hell could possibly be out there excited about this. Every time people say Fall or Winter is their favorite season, this is what I think of.  Who is waking up thinking "This is perfect. I've waited all year to be cold as shit." Because I need you to know that you are wrong and I don't like you.

11/11

I wonder if when John Cena retires he will change his name to John Postre.

This is a bilingual joke, fyi.

11/11

Any bar can be a karaoke bar if you put $20 in the TouchTunes and sing loud as fuck.

11/14

Not so much a joke as it is commentary on the depressing state of everything right now.

11/15

I'm wearing a St. Louis Blues shirt that shows the year the team was established and my son pointed out "Your shirt says 6 7." So that's another fucking thing that kids have ruined.

11/18

Seriously I need to know what sort of magic allows USB cables to somehow have 3 sides.

11/20

I'm getting to live out a dad-joke today as I'm taking my daughter to a dentist appointment at 2:30. She is not nearly as amused as I am.

11/21

Idk what everyone else is doing at 3 a.m. but I'm laying awake wondering if my arms are too long.

11/25

I have spent my entire life not knowing how to get the inside of a Toaster Strudel warm without burning the outside and at this point I've just come to really enjoy the temperature dichotomy of the warm, flaky crust with a chilled fruit filling.

11/25

One dog is mad as hell and the other gives no fucks.

11/25

I feel like if I was bald I would struggle to know how far up the sides of my face I should let my beard grow.

11/28

Me eating leftovers this morning: "Thanksgiving is over when I say it's over."

11/30

We are officially in that part of the year where time is becoming an illusion. Days of the week are losing all meaning. We are living in a perpetual haze of gravy, twinkling lights, and the smooth sounds of Michael Buble crooning out holiday hits seemingly everywhere you go as though it’s just the background music for your internal monologue now.

Hey, there it is! That thing that I wrote at the beginning. That was fun. I am so clever.

-Ryan

October '25 Joke Round-Up

  Busy month. Hockey started again, kicked some ass on gameshows at work, had my 20 year high school reunion, got to go on a trip to Universal Studios with a buddy, participated in my first ever chili cookoff on behalf of the local LGBTQ+ Ally group, got some sweet family pictures taken, got sick AF for a day or two, officially kicked off my political “career” by submitting a petition to be a precinct committeeperson, and still found plenty of time to feel disappointed in myself as a human being (luckily I’m pretty good at multi-tasking). Let’s look at my lil jokey jokes.

10/2

Important question

10/3

My wife tried to say something to me as I was doing DuoLingo and right when she started talking I just happened to click on the sound byte "occupado."

She immediately started laughing and said, "Well fuck you too, then!"

This woman is my soul mate.

10/7

As far as I'm concerned, the only times it's acceptable to wear a cowboy hat are if you are actively roping a steer or if you're dressing up as Bret Michaels for Halloween.

10/16

I never truly understood homesickness until I bought a bidet.

10/24

I overhead 2 ladies gossiping at the grocery store and one comment in particular really threw me off.

"She changes boyfriends like I change underwear. Every week she's dating someone new."

Did this lady just admit that she only changes her underwear once a week?

10/25

I don't know if I could ever be brave enough to buy an enema kit from a thrift store.

10/29

Many people already know that I LOVE St. Louis style pizza (provel is life).  One point of frustration I have from growing up was my mom's side of the family's insistence on regularly ordering one of the worst pizzas I've ever had in my life, Ponticello's. It barely qualified as pizza, it was garbage topped with provel. They had the nastiest, driest, burnt, concerningly gritty & powdery crust and despite my frequent objections to their trash-ass excuse for a pizza, even on my own birthday that was the go-to order at family gatherings. "Happy birthday, Ryan, here's some 'food' you specifically said you did not want." Bullshit, I know.

The last time I ever had to eat that pizza was in 2005. And Ponticello's closed in 2014 so they can no longer hurt people with their terrible pizza, but despite all that time I'm not entirely over the pain that pizza inflicted upon me.  The other night I saw a post on the St. Louis subreddit asking people to name local restaurants that they missed. I stayed up late scrolling through 300+ comments specifically so I could downvote anyone that said Ponticello's.  I absolutely do not regret my actions.

I don’t know how to end it this month, so I’ll just say this: fuck Ponticello’s pizza.

-Ryan

September '25 Joke Round-Up

  Man, I was really hoping that rapture would finally be the real one this time. Could’ve been pretty fucking cool.  Guess I’ll just keep going to work and writing my lil jokey jokes while Rome burns.  Okay, well then.

9/1

I like that my brain recognizes that I'm dealing with depression but still talks shit on myself for being lazy.  What a delightful combination of self awareness and assholery

9/13

If at any point in my life I own a Ford Explorer, I am absolutely naming it Magellan. I also briefly considered Vespucci.

9/14

I love that I, a grown ass man, can walk into a grocery store and think to myself, "My life would absolutely be enhanced if I could have chicken nuggets that are shaped like dinosaurs" and just achieve that dream right there.

9/16

We as a society have an unspoken agreement that everyone is allowed to freely fart in the bathroom without feeling embarrassed or having to say "excuse me." And it is not my fault that the bathroom at work doubles as the storm shelter.

9/18

I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY UPSET THAT THIS DOESN'T SAY "MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL"

9/23

Another day, another rapture that isn't happening.  Getting real tired of constantly having to reschedule this shit in my calendar.

9/24

My wife sends me the sweetest messages.

Man, I fucking hate fall.

-Ryan